Dear Erin,
It is, in fact, a federal holiday. And yet, here I am, writing you a letter. Don’t be too impressed. The letter won’t be posted until tomorrow. All this because I am currently ensconced in a rather stiff chair at the airport, waiting to take a red-eye flight to, wait for it, Vermont. Yes, I am headed back to the place where we first met: VCFA.
To be truthful, I’m still not quite sure I’ll make it.
After all, the last time I saw you was January 2020, and a lot has changed since then. Two cancelled residencies and one graduation for me. Similar statistics for you. Although I think you got three cancelled residencies up your sleeve? Well, that’s a contest no one wants to win!
But then again, maybe I’m almost with you, I was supposed to go back to VCFA this last January, as a Graduate Assistant, and that one got cancelled only a few weeks before. And this time around there’s the threat of flight cancellations and other such foolishness waiting in the wings. I suppose I won’t believe I’m really there until I step onto campus.
I have to admit, it’s hard to be excited about a thing that keeps not happening, but I’m getting close.
Of course, there will be a lot of friends missing. One of whom is you! My daughters keep asking who you “really” are. Not sure what the “really” means. If you were there when I arrived, I could snap a photo and send it off to them. Proof of life.
I mean, I probably have a picture from before. I’ll have to search it up. Put it here for evidence. But that won’t really be it. That won’t really be you. Still, what I remember most from meeting you, in my head, is reading your piece in workshop - a MG fantasy that took on point of view and shook it like a beloved dog’s toy until it did just what you liked - and being impressed with your willingness to try it all, take a risk, and lean into uncertainty to grab the greatest prize. I am always so careful, such a rule follower, you made it look easy to throw the rules to the wind. I’ll have to pretend you’re there beside me, convincing me to try all the things out myself, as I lean back into writing
Because I definitely need the return to VCFA. Remember my “experiment” of taking May off writing? It seems my experiment has run into June. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without writing, and when I look at it - completely unavoidable. But these next two weeks, they’ll be a jumpstart back into my writing life. My garden might fall to pieces while I’m gone, my pets might only be fed every other day, but writing will return.
The balance will be restored.
Or unevened again, depending how you look at it.
I’ve thought a lot about this trip, and, to be honest, I’m still not sure how it will go. I’ve worried. I’ve ruminated. I’ve debated whether it will be everything I think. That’s the way of life, I guess. Swinging back and forth. Moving from one kind of moment to another, and being glad to be in each one of them, no matter the reason why, no matter what actually happens.
Still, I’ll miss you in the workshop room, Erin. Just like I’m already missing you here, in the airport. I’ll miss how you were brave, how you attacked an impossible narrative device, just to see if you could make it carry your words. And I guess I’ll have to carry back there what I learned from you two years before:
Take risks. Leap big.
And believe you’re going to stick the landing, in the end.
But, even more so, this:
Have fun while you’re doing it.
Have fun while you’re doing it and never ever avoid a good laugh.
Jamie
Love you, Jamie!
Enjoy residency!!